I entered the courtroom and quickly grabbed the cause list. A shortlist of only 10 cases. Kudos to a judge who manages his docket. But I was shocked to know that 4 of the matters were divorce cases.
Most lawyers don’t file divorce cases in Lagos because it takes a long time. As the Act provides a national domicile, even marriages contracted in Lagos can be broken in Ijebu-ode. So, to have 4 out of 10 cases of divorce tells a horrible story of the state of affairs in marriages.
Women especially should be worried about this state of affairs. But most educated and supposedly enlightened women are more concerned about women’s liberation and emancipation which education itself is a threat to the marriage institution.
The problem with the young marriage-age youth is more of a lack of knowledge. They are not adequately educated and the changes in the value system have affected them. Their parents who organise weddings are more concerned about their image in the preparation of the marriage ceremony. It is for the mother than the bride. The bride is not taught about the ethos and significance of the next stage. It is difficult to shift from the previous stage.
After years of promiscuity, it is difficult to settle with one who could not combine the good attributes of the vain experiences. The economy is not laughing and those who could provide the right moral environment lack the resources to provide. The yahoo boys provide but are unstable hence you hear about baby-mama.
The boys do not know that sex is worth reading and learning about. And that ‘shape’ and drugs are illusion and temporary escape; That economic viability and sustainability is crucial to marriage. Who taught them that the woman is the software that gives life to the hardware man. Do they bother about spiritual compatibility? Who will tell them that beating a woman is weakness and admission of intellectual laziness; and is like Moses hitting the rock with the rod?
In divorce cases, parents are responsible for a large portion. But only because the young (wo)man has refused to redefine him/herself. Many parents want to supplement their life with their children’s. They want grandchildren quickly. They want money. They want to boast that their in-laws are class. The innocent child cooperates without looking beyond the shoulders.
The incursion of the British culture is seriously undermining marriages. To them, marriage is just another business. The liberationist is worsening the situation. Rather than advise the woman to run away and prevent beating, they want her to report the beating. Many have missed marriage completely looking for the textbook mills-and-boons quality.
In the end, the divorcee lives in an illusion that there is a better option out there. She counts days, months and years to realise otherwise. The rainy day is not one for a single mother. His life is ruined thenceforth. His children do not enjoy double-parent nurturing. A major part of his life is lived without software support. He won’t die; he will rise again, but usually not to the destined height or speed.
Perhaps some little patience and studying and accepting some of his/her odd idiosyncrasies could do the magic. Counting the loss before they happen is great wisdom. And learning from and allowing mentorship from wise couples or elders is insurance.
Marriage for a lady is like the gift of a hamper. The wine may be expensive but not useful. It is hardly possible to like all content. But it is a gift. I like it because it is love. At the time that it is due, any semblance of it is not it. It is as funny as being a third wife could be better than being the only wife. It is life. So, choose wisely and wifely.
Whoever marries a good wife sees the eyes of God. Ehn en! A man who sees the favour of God marries a good wife. Seek him not only in prayer but in attitude and forbearance before and during the marriage. For those who believe, it is difficultly simple.